Que Pasa Calabaza

Que me Pasa?
Jet Lag y un descanso tremendo
mi bis-sobrino se durmio a las 8:30pm
a las 9 yo estaba roncando
eso es lo que me dicen
Damani y Analise-mi bissobrina.

Que me Pasa?
Una inquietud.
Un momento estoy totalmente entregada
otro momento estoy con miedo de
tener que estar cuidando
a los que no se pueden cuidarse

Que me Pasa?
quiero mudarme
cambiar de casa
empezar de nuevo
empezando con
un nuevo espacio
que sentido tiene mudarse
cuando lo que es necesario
es poner mi casa en orden

Que me Pasa?
Ya no soy artista
no actuo
y esto de escribir
no se pintar ya
para que sirve
las ganas
los suenos
la angustia
cuando no lo hago

Que me Pasa?
La Vida...

Dias Despues

                                                        Disciplina!                                                      

                                                        no lo tengo                                                      

                                           lo tengo no lo tengo                                         

hoy siento el cansancio

viajando pensando

hablando con el

con ella

una reunion aqui

una reunion alla

en la oficina

el restaurante

el teatro

en la plaza

mucho mucho

se necesita discplina

o un buen

descansito!

El- Como Hail en la Mente

las mananas

son mas dificiles

tengo el- en la mente

desesperacion

no se como hacer esto

vivir esto

duda me ahoga

no confio-

en mi mismo

en la sensacion

las palabras- frases

de carino

de esperanza

miedo es el

el enemigo

mi piel vibra

y quiere escaparse

mis ojos no saben

donde enfocar

hay una tormenta de

hail, hail

pelotas imensas

pelotas en la boca

no puedo hablar

ahogandome

las palabras- frases

se estancan

palabras- frases

que no se puede

entender

aaaaaaaaahhhh

En Espanol-In Spanish except for punctuation!

Mucho tiempo ha pasado.
No he tenido el tiempo para
escribir reflejar pensar hablar
expresar amor
para mi familia, amigos
crear nuevo arte
con palabras
pintura
tijeras y pedazitos de papel
quiero pensar en espanol
lo deje por un rato
cuando tuve que salir
del barrio
cuando tuve que
dejar el trabajo con mi gente
ahora todo es indirecto
no quiero pensar
en otro lenguaje
en otra cultura
aunque sea la otra
es parte de mi
lleno de conflicto
y desesparacion
quiero quiero quiero
hablar hablar pensar pensar escribir escribir
en Espanol el otro colonizador
el otra que es parte de mi
con mucho conflicto
y tristeza
aqui en mi nuevo trabajo
english english english
en todo el arerdedor
perdona todo lo incorrecto
en mi - el hablar mi - escribir
en mi- pensar
perdona los que
no me pueden entender
perdona esta interrrupcion
intentare un mes de esto

It seems to have all 

been standing still.

Where I left it

is a lifetime ago 

another life

everything has changed 

some things the same

I remember her 

see her in the mirror 

everyday 

when I comb 

the knots out of her hair

it is unmanageable now

I see her everyday

when I massage 

the all natural complex 

honey moisturizer 

on her face

the skin is smooth 

still, it is looser than it was

10 years ago

her eyes are dark

still waking up at 5am

still tired but 

different tired

the future is shorter 

now, now 

I look at her face often

in the mirror

in the bathroom 

by the bureau

on the subway 

I look in the mirror 

I don't care 

where I take the glance

i have to look

there's not that much

time left

Lo Que Aparece y Desaparece

Opening Reception Friday, April 9 2010 5-8pm

Taller Puertorriqueño's Lorenzo Homar Gallery

2721 N. 5th Street, Philadelphia, Pa. 19133

(show runs from April 9 - June 5, 2010)

Lo Que Aparece y Desaparece is a mixed media print installation that explores the importance of mark making (those seen and unseen) in art, family and on the path of individuals. Lo Que Aparece y Desaparece was created by Las Gallas Artist Collective specifically for Taller Puertorriqueno’s 35th Anniversary exhibition season, The Graphic R/Evolution, and as an independent project of Philadelphia’s first international print quadrennial The Graphic Unconscious.

A mix of print techniques, including photography, screenprinting, collographs and woodcuts the exhibit explores marks themselves. How are experiences, people, places imprinted on us? How do we manipulate and recombine the artifacts of memory? What does a memory become when it begins to fade? How do we decipher marks with unknown origins? By creating an alternate reality through printmaking Las Gallas hopes to create a space to interact with these questions and the long tradition of printmaking in Latino arts.

Mami graduated

Mami Graduated

Mami was the only child of 9 to graduate from high school circa 1945 in Puerto Rico. Mami told me that none of her siblings or he mother attended her graduation. Only her farther attended. Mami also told me that he sacrificed quite a bit to make sure that she had everything she needed for her graduation day;

a dress made by a friend

flowers for her hair and to pin on her dress

fashionable shoes

I don't know if he actually made her shoes because he was a zapatero. Maybe he saved or borrowed money to buy her a pair. He also had a picture taken in a studio of Mami in her graduation dress. Mami also told me how he picked her up and jumped over a puddle so her shoes wouldn't get messed up. I am not sure if this really happened, it sounds so cliche. I guess it does happen, right? 

There is quite a bit of mystery around why her family did not attend. There is no one left to confirm any of the possibilities of reasons why. I wouldn't even know where to begin to search for cousins. Maybe if she is still there, I can find my cousin Alodia in the Poconos? 

This image is the foundation for all of the work that will be in the exhibit 

"Lo Que Aparece y Desaparece".