Friday, December 31, 2010


june 17, 1991

johnny, magda, and marangeli, came to pick me up at the airport. When they took mw home and after recounting all the wierd shit that happened to me I looked at the kitchen table and there it was! A letter from Michael. The letter that I had been waiting for for so long. Last night at Carmen Violas in Puerto Rico I remembered the last two kisses he gave to me.I felt his lips again on mine last night. It made me cry silently because I didn't want Carmen Viola to hear me. I love him so much. I wonder how I will feel when I see him again or what will I do. A picture it must be old he looks so life beaten. Rough! (will he kiss me?)

Dear Julia
I'm sorry it took so long for me to write to you. Yes I'm doing ok now I would like to see you. Thank you for the picture. I really feel bad for keeping in contact with you. I just hate whe nI'm in trouble I hate calling you. I tryed to call but the phone is you know. I think about you alot. I'm ok Julia I would like to see you. I hope you are doing ok if not thats ok to I still want to see you. As you know my birthday is coming and your birthday i wold like to spend it with you I miss you Julia

Esta manana encontre uno de las docenas de journals que tengo alrerdedor en la casa. Abri la libreta y encontre estas dos entradas. El mio primero y en la siguiente pagina la carta de Michael pegada. Habia escitro en la esquina de la pagina "The letter was sent the day I left for PR". 
Pienso en todas mis relaciones y tengo un patron similar.  Hay variaciones pero con el mismo resultado. Todas mis relaciones no tienen una base en la realidad. Mejor dicho, en mi mente veo alguien totalmente distinto de lo que es en realidad. Siento que no pude salir de la etapa de adolesencia. Quizas es una exageracion. 
Tengo 48 anyos y estoy a menos empezando ver con claridad. 

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