It seems to have all 

been standing still.

Where I left it

is a lifetime ago 

another life

everything has changed 

some things the same

I remember her 

see her in the mirror 

everyday 

when I comb 

the knots out of her hair

it is unmanageable now

I see her everyday

when I massage 

the all natural complex 

honey moisturizer 

on her face

the skin is smooth 

still, it is looser than it was

10 years ago

her eyes are dark

still waking up at 5am

still tired but 

different tired

the future is shorter 

now, now 

I look at her face often

in the mirror

in the bathroom 

by the bureau

on the subway 

I look in the mirror 

I don't care 

where I take the glance

i have to look

there's not that much

time left

Lo Que Aparece y Desaparece

Opening Reception Friday, April 9 2010 5-8pm

Taller Puertorriqueño's Lorenzo Homar Gallery

2721 N. 5th Street, Philadelphia, Pa. 19133

(show runs from April 9 - June 5, 2010)

Lo Que Aparece y Desaparece is a mixed media print installation that explores the importance of mark making (those seen and unseen) in art, family and on the path of individuals. Lo Que Aparece y Desaparece was created by Las Gallas Artist Collective specifically for Taller Puertorriqueno’s 35th Anniversary exhibition season, The Graphic R/Evolution, and as an independent project of Philadelphia’s first international print quadrennial The Graphic Unconscious.

A mix of print techniques, including photography, screenprinting, collographs and woodcuts the exhibit explores marks themselves. How are experiences, people, places imprinted on us? How do we manipulate and recombine the artifacts of memory? What does a memory become when it begins to fade? How do we decipher marks with unknown origins? By creating an alternate reality through printmaking Las Gallas hopes to create a space to interact with these questions and the long tradition of printmaking in Latino arts.

Mami graduated

Mami Graduated

Mami was the only child of 9 to graduate from high school circa 1945 in Puerto Rico. Mami told me that none of her siblings or he mother attended her graduation. Only her farther attended. Mami also told me that he sacrificed quite a bit to make sure that she had everything she needed for her graduation day;

a dress made by a friend

flowers for her hair and to pin on her dress

fashionable shoes

I don't know if he actually made her shoes because he was a zapatero. Maybe he saved or borrowed money to buy her a pair. He also had a picture taken in a studio of Mami in her graduation dress. Mami also told me how he picked her up and jumped over a puddle so her shoes wouldn't get messed up. I am not sure if this really happened, it sounds so cliche. I guess it does happen, right? 

There is quite a bit of mystery around why her family did not attend. There is no one left to confirm any of the possibilities of reasons why. I wouldn't even know where to begin to search for cousins. Maybe if she is still there, I can find my cousin Alodia in the Poconos? 

This image is the foundation for all of the work that will be in the exhibit 

"Lo Que Aparece y Desaparece".

Lo Que Aparece 

              foto by J.Lopez

Getting ready for Las Gallas exhibit at Taller Puertorriqueno for the Philagrafika International Quadrennial of Printmaking in Philadelphia. 

I have spent a lot of time with images of Mami, Papi, and an abuelo I never met. Spending hours and hours with these images and reimagine-ing a story; stories that she told me, that he withheld and a story that I never got to hear. All have left an imprint; one that you can  see on my skin and another that is buried within. This play is one that is almost done. I wrote "Graciela" to pay tribute to Mami's struggle as a single mother, as an immigrant, and as a woman who survived domestic abuse. She defended herself from all these trials by creating a world that left a bundle of scars in her abdomen, scars that lined her uterus and electrified her brain cells. Text from "Graciela" will be incorporated in the prints that are being produced for the exhibit. 

WKM Photo Class

  

I am taking a digital photography class with Fernando Alvarez

at the West Kensington Ministry in Norris Square. These fotos 

came from our first assignment; Window Light Portraits. The hands belong

to my great-nephew Cameron who is 5months old:-)

Here are some shots from yesterdays classwork:

Letting Go

 

      Madres Altares installation detail

Letting go is the hardest thing to do. 

I cling to difficult memories as if I couldn't survive without them.

Crisis and angst were the staples of my upbringing. I often can only feel normal if there is a crisis 

at hand. I am working on a series of images for Las Gallas' upcoming exhibition at the 

Taller Puertorriqueno entitled  "Lo Que Aparece y Desaparece". 

I say this is my last works dedicated to my mother , but I can only hope that I will be able to let her go.

Let her and my memory of her be at Peace. To let go of the turmoil that fuels this creative process around my relationship with my mother who has been gone for almost 8 years. My relationship with her and other family members who disappear and appear in my life.

I am coming to realize that this is an almost impossible task. 

Here a e some pics of works in progress:

 

 

Damani + Cameron Antonio

Hijo + Great Nephew

Just thinking

about new life

New Energy

moving forward

no matter how hard

how easy

distracting

uncomfortable

glorious

I met Beth Nixon's

daughter today

Ida, 9months old

piercing + vibrant

blue eyes

bundled up

and strapped

to Mama Beth's back

ready to face

the cold Broad street

whooshy winds and icy air

New life

makes me happy

A baby

a new poem

a new smile on

Damani's face

Marissa's brite

dark brown eyes

hopefull

as she stares

at Cameron's

new face

I got to

remember

that every day

brings a new chance

for new life