My toes are over the edge.
My arches and heels are
trying to stay firm and strong
trying to support the whole body
it is a battle
the sun is shining
the air is crisp, clean
tragic thoughts loom
in conflict with Sekhmet
the Egyptian Sun Goddess
"Lioness, Lady of the Flame,
fiery female power of
Self-Preservation"
She and many many others
consult and push
suggest thoughts
for change and creative action
I am challenged today. This week begins with:

• Doubt
  
• disparate communication
• Tops pushing Tops to the Bottom
• "Who Does She Think She Is" moments

This week was
a challenging week for Me;
ED me
Artist me
Mami me
Woman me!


The week was filled with preparing for and having difficult conversations. Our summer work program starts on July 6th and my Summer Program Coordinator was missing in action all week. It turns out that she was out of town all week, her phone isn't working and she won't be in touch until late today.

Our Housing Counseling program is undergoing a file audit...and we are struggling to recover documents to complete our files and be able to have our work be counted. As the ED I am ultimately responsible and when the shit hits the fan it blows first in my direction. I have felt like shit this week! Especially during my 5am wakings and I can't get back to sleep.

Things that kept me from falling or jumping off the edge:

• Damani's smile and excitement when he got his Mac Pro Laptop. I had collected money from friends and family since his birthday in October and we finally got enough to make the purchase
• speaking to Miguel Luciano, Michael Reyes, Edda Loredo-Santiago and Dan about their art and the work they will be doing with our youth this summer
• Reading "Einstein's Dreams"
  
  

Check out our interview on "Radio Times" with Marty Moss-Coane!

Wednesday 6/17/2009

Hour One
How do we create safe communities? What is the Kensington community doing in response to the violent events of the last two weeks? A car driven by a man with a bench warrant out for his arrest ran over and killed two young girls, a 22 year-old mother and her baby girl in the Feltonville neighborhood; and a vigilante mob beat up a rapist of an 11 year-old girl in Kensington. We check in with two people who have been building communities in Eastern North Philadelphia. JULIA LOPEZ is the Executive Director of Centro Peter Claver, an asset-based program that works towards a self-sufficient neighborhood through home foreclosure prevention counseling, a youth summer arts school, physical development of neighborhood and many other programs to improve the neighborhood’s quality of life. STEVE HONEYMAN is a community organizer has worked in neighborhood development in Kensington as the former Director of the Eastern Pennsylvania Organizing Project, recently pressuring the Philadelphia School District to rebuild Willard Elementary School. Listen to the mp3

23 hours before the opening of the film!
So much to do and I am secure in the fact
that it won't all get down. Need to whittle
down my task list for tomorrow. Struggling
and worried about 2008 Youth attendance.
It is Tuesday and it feels like the end of
the end of the week. Not good. I am incensed
with the possibility of great embarrassment
should not one youth show up for the premiere
of the film they worked on. Trying so hard not
to micro-manage our Youth Coordinator and
expressing the sense of urgency.
I don't know how many folks will show up.
the Principal of the school where it will play
is not expecting many. She bases this expectation
on the meeting we had in 2007. It doesn't matter
the successes you have experienced. What matters
is the last moment, the last event, that any one
of us has experienced. Or what has been publicised.
It is a very strange juggling act; supervision,
fundraising, haphazard (word of the week)
staff development and supporting new Board...and
parenting.
I am preparing myself to break the
news to Damani that he did not get the extra part
for the 'Last Airbender" movie. His first audition
and callback and it all came down to the
costume fitting! Ugg:-(
The "business' as they say stinks when you are
rejected. And it is all about how you look,
and if you fit the type. That is why I ended up
writing and producing my own work!
I was always my type. No matter what I wrote
to perform. And I performed a lot, especially
early on. I was Miss North Philly PR winning the
Miss America contest, I was a virgin wife, I was
a lookout for hubcap thieves, I was a ballet dancer.
And now I am...an Executive Director, a Galla, a
NELI Fellow who hasn't done her homework!
These things aren't permanent. I am a mother, forever.
My most cherished, fulfilling, heartbreaking job.
See you at the Premiere!

the Storm
seems to be an ongoing theme for the past few weeks, I have been running even when I was supposed to be standing still. I am running, even now, as I write...running downstairs to buy a flan de queso and coconut cake to support the mujeres of Hogar Crea de Delaware! I always see the guys on the street selling the sweets and never bought anything. I have worked with so many women who have are and have been incarcerated and most times they get no support no love. So I bought the cakes-disregarding my so called tight budget, disregarding my "diet" and disregarding the fact that I have to get the hell out of the office in 10 minutes.
I am on the way through the storm...
on my mind-

• Onelia back in PR
• Damani's costume fitting
  
• Getting the work permit notarized so he can pe part of the film
• catching a train to Langhorne
• Left Marissa's present at home
• A tough meeting with Ceiba staff and my staff
• Pepon agreed to host Centro's 30th birthday kickoff dinner in August
  
• Praying Damani passes all of his classes